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I wrote about my former college's censorship of the gay and lesbian literature course several days ago. There was also a very gloating and hate-filled letter sent out to many faculty and staff from the faculty sponsor of the student right-wing religious organization. One of the English faculty met with the VP in charge of business and legal matters to complain about this letter, and he was very supportive! Agreed that letter should not have been sent, that diversity and tolerance are good, and will reprimand the sender of the letter. Still waiting for meeting on even more serious curriculum issue, but sounds like the administration is not sympathetic to the worst of the yahoos, at least.

( Abundance )

Much as I moan about students, sometimes I really love them. One very nice treat was a visit from a student who came to invite me to see her get her Master's--a fairly rare accomplishment for students who start in basic reading and writing classes as she did.

Also, notes like this one from an online student who made a B instead of the A she wanted or the C I thought she might wind up with:

Prof. K, I really love you. You are and have been more than a English Prof. to me this semester even when I was not as polite as I know to be. I read all of your comments
and every one of the " Do the Work, I know you can" e-mails. Thank you for pushing me and making me "think things through." I really enjoyed this class.

Sincerely,
W.
G-d Bless

Now that I'm actually able to se the end of working here (May 21 will be last day), I'm having very strange reactions. I thought it would be like moving or graduating from school, that I'd be caught with nostalgia and see only the wonderful things that I hated to leave. Just the opposite. It's as though the only way I could stay here was to blind myself to the realities, and now that I can leave, I'm seeing the truth. I guess.

Anyway, I find myself very impatient with the faculty, the administration, and the students. I also find myself less willing to hide my frustration with some behavior. When students just don't bother to study for an exam, when faculty come to meetings to complain about lack of support from the administration but can't actually cite a case where that's happened, when administrators allow a good person to be fired for personal and political reasons, I really find what's happening is that I'm losing respect for them. And telling them, of course--never one to keep it all bottled up! Not all, of course. In most categories there are still some people who I admire, but I seem to be surrounded suddenly by people I don't respect.

Not that I'm great. I will be first to admit that, and have done it publicly, many times. I wonder if I'm just suddenly seeing this, or if people are changing. It may be too that I'm just learning to be more honest with myself as I grow older.

And then also there's the contrast with the ones I admire. Today one of the adjuncts came in in tears to cancel her class--her 2 year old son is being tested for autism. I couldn't really do anything but hug her and cry too--and I guess the frustration of not being able to help her any way, when she's been such an excellent, responsible, thoughful, committed teacher, made me even less patient with the full time instructor, making ten times her salary, who's having a complete hysterical breakdown because of having to teach one class he doesn't like. I really want to make them have to see themselves the way I see them--but I know I've got to do that with myself first.

So glad to get back to my yoga class. This morning I moved myself up to the "intermediate" class--that may be a bit of an exaggeration. Some tough-for-me vinyasas, because balance and upper body strength are not my strong suits, but then a lot of hip openers-flexible! That I am. The new studio is warm!!! and beautiful (warm orange walls, painted with Moroccan designs and jewels)!! I am so grateful to have such a great resource. And I met someone who I've seen in class but never sat near in the old class. Turns out we do the same work and have many friends in common, so that was a pleasure. Makes it more sangha-like.

Now I've come home and written fairly diligently for the last couple of hours, and realized that I've done 3 chapters over Christmas. I'm beginning to see the end--it is incredibly exciting to think I'll finish a whole draft of a novel. I've done short stories and poems all my life, but this is a new experience. It basically will never be great, and needs lots of revision, but it does exist.

But so does this empty feeling in my middle--hmm, smoked gouda and pesto? Is that a possible combination? Wonder if that avocado is still in existence.

The last week has really been a lot of stress, so I decided that the dieting would go on hold until the semester gets started. I'm still trying to keep teachers in all the classes, but they keep quitting faster than I can hire. Herding cats? Yes. Underpaid, whiny, brilliant cats.